Thursday 28 April 2011

A right Royal jamboree

The news that both our former Labour prime ministers Tony Blair and Gordon Brown have been missed off the guest-list for Wills and Kate’s nuptials, while Conservatives John Major and Margaret Thatcher are included, takes the biscuit.

It seems Tone and Gordo (unlike Thatcher and Major) are not Knights of the Garter and as such get bumped from the official invite list. If it was a full state occasion then they would get the nod. But it isn’t (apparently), so they don’t.

After that little favour we did the Royals 14 years ago, you would think they could show a bit more appreciation.

If you recall, it was a bit more than lending them a lawnmower of feeding the cat while they went on holiday. Our Tony saved the Monarchy from the car crash of their reaction to the car crash that killed Diana.

The royals’ dismal, off-key response to the tragic death of Princess Di in 1997 whipped up more public vituperation against the Monarchy than anything we have seen since the ghastly Edward VIII ran off with Wallis Simpson back in the days of black and white newsreel.

But how quickly they forget. Now they are on the up with a popular royal wedding (involving the only consistently popular member of the clan) all we get is a right royal “stuff off”. And not just to one Labour ex-Prime Minister, but two.

The first may well have been carelessness, a second is a definite snub. Ok, spouses would need to go as well so that takes up four seats. And Westminster Abbey can be a bit pokey, but when the place is going to be full of dodgy geezers (“bums” in the Daily Mail’s diplomaticspeak) then squeezing in a couple of former prime ministers is not a big ask; especially as Conservative former PMs are invited.

Blimey, even the Mail’s Stephen Glover is incensed at the effrontery of it. Quite right. 1,900 people are invited including, as Glover puts it: “some pretty unsavoury foreign leaders, as well as some rackety private individuals”. It would be equally appalling if the boot had been on the other foot and Maggie and Major had been left off.

Please. If they can find room for ‘film-maker’ Guy Ritchie then I hate to suggest it, but the bar is set pretty low.
And the royals can’t have it both ways. They can’t invite half the world’s dignitaries on the basis that it’s effectively a state bash and then in the same breath leave out Blair and Brown on the basis that it’s not a full state occasion.

And the distinction between prime ministers who are Knights of the Garter and those that are not is a priceless piece of antiquated bluster. (So Labour’s are the wrong sort of former prime ministers are they?) More mundanely, it also begs the inevitable question: Will John Major wear high heels as well as his garter? We demand to be told.

And if it’s a more casual gig, then there should be nothing wrong in number ten’s current incumbent turning up in a lounge suit after all. Or even his favourite long shorts and polo-neck. It is a Bank Holiday you know.

If it’s a worry about the quality of the presents, Wills’n’Kate can rest assured. Tony and Gordon are not short of a bob or two these days and can be relied upon to bring a decent wedge of Debenhams vouchers with them. Mrs. Thatcher’s poorly and not going anyway, so that leaves some space.

But how to decide which man gets the seat? I don’t think a formal pact would be a good idea; we’ve been there. Perhaps a winner-takes-all coin flip? Or we could be guided by history and Tony could sit on for the first two-thirds of the service and Gordon could replace him for the last bit.

And, I hate to raise it, if it isn’t a state bash who’s picking up the tab? 5,000 coppers on overtime and ‘All the Queen’s horse and all the Queen’s men’ will burn a hole in someone’s pocket.

Perhaps it’s not too late to cut a deal with OK! Magazine? Mind you, someone would need to move sharpish to book one of those massive marquees to keep the arrival shots secret. But what would Huw Edwards find to comment on?

Another plus, however, is that inviting Richard Desmond would actually raise the tone of the guest-list, (even after the King of Bahrain chose to bow out). Kate’s “black sheep” uncle Gary Goldsmith is still attending. As is the Zimbabwean ambassador – Roberts Mugabe’s man about town.

Ther again, I'm reminded of the old Groucho Marx phrase - I wouldn't want to jouin a club that would have me as a member. Given this, perhaps it is as well that Tone and Gordo son't go along to the Royal jamboree. After all, it is going to be filled with corrupt foreign politicos, sychophants and hangers-on anyway. hardly a place for an honest socialist. There again, neither fo them were ever especially socialist anyway, so perhaps they are say this morning, eating their Weetabix and suppoing their mug of PG Tips, feeling distinctly left out. All I can say guys is - don't worry, you can join the vast majority of us.

Fortunately my family share my contempt for the whole thing, so we will be studiously avoid watching it. Is there any significance that whilst those two are getting married they will be showing "Desperate Housewives" on the other channel? Coincidence - nah, can't be.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Wikio - Top Blogs - Politics