Has Ageism become the new respectable slur?

As the years go by, I am starting to realise that the older I get, the grumpier I become. So, when somebody, trying to be endearing describes me as being seventy-three years young, there is an above average chance I might rip their head off, reach in and grab their spleen and feed it to my neighbour’s Pomeranian dog. A little dramatic you might think and reluctantly, I would have to agree. However, you need to see this in context, because most people nowadays would say I am old. It’s not an unreasonable assumption. I have all the regulatory signs: I have wrinkles; there are parts of my body nowadays that ache without me doing anything; I groan and sigh just from standing up or sitting down; and, I don’t have as much hair as I did when I was in my twenties. Let’s face it, I am now what the young call a ‘boomer’ – and herein lies the problem.

For many years being a ‘boomer’ was simply an identifier to show roughly when a person was born; in other words, someone reared in the immediate post-war (and I mean the Second one, not Korea, Vietnam, or Iraq) era and probably experienced some form of rationing, rode bikes or scooters on empty streets, played “war” using a broken stick as a sten gun (we didn’t have toy guns in those days, or if we did, they barely lasted longer than a week before breaking), and when we misbehaved in school, we were caned, or had the dreaded “slipper”. For those too young to know this malicious instrument of torture (what we call today a plimsoll or a sneaker) could create such pain that when manipulated by an expert could inflict such pain on our extremities that it would sting and burn with a ferocity that it was sufficient to griddle enough burgers to supply MacDonalds for an entire day.

Unfortunately, the term ‘boomer’ has now become a term of ridicule or contempt; a means to dismiss the opinion of those who are older because, after all, we ‘oldies’ couldn’t possibly have a clue about computers, politics, living in the modern age, handling budgets, driving cars, international travel, raising kids, coping with debt, moving house, problems at work – the list is simply endless. Terms like ‘boomer’ or ‘old’ have become a part of a new respectable slur – ageism.

Of course, through the past centuries we can see how ageism has always been a thorn in our society, so there’s nothing new here. After all, it was Aristotle who said of the elderly, “… they are small-minded, because they have been humbled by life,” while an even more harsh perspective of growing old came from Juvena, who argued: “… their heads without hair, their noses drivelling. Their bread poor wretches, has to be munched by toothless gums”.

But, speaking personally, I’m a bit sick of it. I’m a bit tired of the snide jokes on social media about my age; I’m tired of being seen as an irrelevance; and I’m fed up, to the back teeth of being made to feel older people don’t count.

And you know what makes it worse? Some of those who today refer to themselves as generation Z or millennials know they are doing it, but dismiss its importance. This was typified to me in an article written in 2020 by Emma McDermott entitled ‘When did it become OK to be ageist’. Now, of course, like any politically correct writer, she emphasised how bad it was to dehumanise older people, but not before offering her readership a little titbit of her true feelings.

"I want to clarify that I am in no way trying to equate the usage of ageist slang, like ‘boomer,’ to the continued usage of racial slurs, specifically those directed toward African Americans and Black Americans, or homophobic rhetoric. To do this would be a gross underrepresentation of the environment that racist, anti-LGBTQ+, xenophobic, ableist, antisemitic, and other dehumanizing language has created for the marginalized groups on the receiving end."

Cool, but put simply, she is arguing ageism isn’t very nice, but we really shouldn’t see it in any way as offensive as all the other ‘isms’. After all being refused a job because you are ‘too old isn’t as bad as being refused it because you are a person of colour, a woman, gay or trans. Being beaten for being gay is far worse than elder abuse. I guess I must be missing something, because I always thought they were all as bad as the other.

In fairness, I think there are many who think the same way as her and see racism, sexism and homophobia as the real evils while ageism is little more than a ‘bit of a problem’ in modern society, ignoring the ageist epidemic in our language, or how estimates suggest between 500,000 and 2.7 million older adults in the UK are affected by elder abuse, neglect, or financial exploitation annually,  including an estimated 375,000 older victims of domestic abuse in England and Wales alone; or how in the United States, an estimated 1 in 8 older adults experience some form of physical abuse each year. We also know over half (52%) of job seekers over 50 feel their age puts them at a significant disadvantage when applying for jobs and this figure only gets worse as you look at older job-seekers who, despite legislation to prevent older applicants being refused interviews for work. Indeed, we know older applicants are routinely rejected at the pre-interview stage in favour of identically qualified, but obviously less experienced younger candidates.

So we come to the heart of the problem – ageism has always been  an acceptable “ism”, but with social media and the internet now a dominant part of everyday life, it has become the new respectable slur where  terms like "aged" and "ageing" have become socially acceptable insults frequently delivered by middle-class liberals (although other classes and political groups are often as culpable) who would never dream of using equivalent language about other protected groups. Instead, they protect a societal double standard where ageist language and behaviour isn’t treated with the same social and professional consequences as sexist or racist language. Indeed, in our speech and writing, whether we be Americans or British, we see how it has become so riddled with prejudice that even  the most basic of phrases like "ageing institution" are frequently used as pejoratives to imply irrelevance or decline.

 

Commentary

Growing older is an inevitability for us all. We know this and though we all try to ignore its ineluctability, it will happen, as will the certainty that in all of our futures it will be preceded by years of being  dismissed, patronised, overlooked, infantilised, and ignored. We know this, the evidence abounds, yet in the last thousand years we have done nothing to address it. Indeed, if I didn’t know better I would almost believe there’s no desire to bring about change. We simply close our eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist, until the prejudice and contempt lands in our own laps – and then, when it does, we have reached an age when we don’t complain because we already feel we are a burden on our family, on medical services, or on our carers. So, we do nothing; we don’t rock the boat just in case we are seen to be a burden or a nuisance.

As for responding to those who call us ‘boomers’, ‘past it’, ‘ancient’ or out of date, again we say nothing, Why?  Because eventually we start believing it ourselves, until finally reaching a point where we don’t stand up for ourselves, we don’t argue, we just sit back, stay silent and conform to what society wants of us. We become manageable. Since the late 1970s psychologists have known about this process and refer to it as the illusory truth effect – a process where you actually accept the lies being told to you by others; you start believing your way of raising kids was wrong because the ‘new way’ is seen as better (ignoring the reality that in a further ten years that way will also be condemned). At the end of the day, it is a mechanism to emotionally, physically and intellectually strait-jacket older people to say nothing, until we eventually are so subdued  that we conform to a system that takes away everything from us , including our very identity

But we have a choice. We can resist. In 1970, Maggie Kuhn created a militant group called the Grey Panthers that fought openly against ageism in all its forms, and acted as an advocacy group fighting against elder abuse. Sadly, Ms Kuhn and her Panthers died in 1995 with her death and since then there has been no significant advocacy group internationally to fight ageism. Now, admittedly there was a lot wrong with the Panthers and, in some part, that was their failure. But, it did show older people that we may be retired, but we haven’t automatically lost our voice, unless we choose to be silent. We do not have to sit there ever day and be patronised and dismissed by a younger generation, some of whom seem to have absolutely no care about our emotional health.

The Panthers are long gone and anyway, society has changed, but that doesn’t stop us from developing our own personal manifesto for growing older. A set of rules to live by that guide me in how I want to be treated and tell those I encounter that in their dealings with me there is a line in the sand.  I have mine and it may not work for you and that’s great, but create your own to make sure that as well as looking after your physical health as you grow older, you also protect your emotional health. Do not accept the new respectable slur. Of course, sometimes I get it wrong, because I’m human .. and that’s fine, but at least it means I don’t live my life under the thumb of a despicable slur.

 

My Personal Manifesto for Growing Older.

•       Do not call me ‘honey’ or ‘sweetie’, unless I give permission – I have a name
•       Do not assume because I am old you can use my first name. Ask first;
•       I am not a ‘boomer’, I am a human being;
•       My opinions count. You do not have to agree but I expect you to listen;
•       In my life I have learned many things. I have studied very hard. I had a highly   successful career. Show respect for that learning and career;
•       Being older does not mean I am incapable;
•       Respect me and I will respect you;
•       I am more than the sum of my years – reduce me to just ‘being old’ and I will probably tear you apart.